“The clock will not save you and neither the time – The cryptic message is hidden in the rhyme”.
Do I articulate exactly what I intend? My expression of thought is complicated by verbal articulation delays. It is fascinating that time has such an impact on my experience, considering I do not believe it truly exists. At least, independently without humans to determine the parameters of its structure.
Of course I need to utilise time in order to function in society. It would be silly to suggest that I live outside of its constraints. However it is a concept I understand yet disagree with. Time is relative to one’s perspective. How can we determine that time is fixed when we perceive it in such a fluid form?
A single moment can last seconds yet impact upon the mind for hours or even years. That brief moment when your eyes lock with someone only for a second that causes that pulse of emotion: pleasure, confusion, indifference or fear. Memories are the ghosts of time. Sometimes they haunt and sometimes they disappear.
Do people always mean exactly what they say? Of course not. People lie, they joke and hide their true intentions and emotions. Is there enough time in the day to disentangle each and every interaction to uncover the truth? There would be no time left for anything else should I dissolve into that line of thought.
Mixed Face was articulated chronologically although some chapters focused on specific concepts which span across the three decades. I often perceive synchronicity and delight in the randomness of it. I recognise that I search for meaning inherently, however some coincidences are too bizarre and unexpected to be anything other than pure chance. A Quest for Answers is the epistolary of my experience with the meaningful coincidences that I bothered to pay attention to.
It may take longer to process social communication but when the penny finally drops – it falls off a cliff. I absorb so much from the environment around me that I suspend judgement on the rightness or wrongness of what I believe I perceive. Until I am provided with more knowledge that can illuminate or justify an idea or opinion.
An utterance may hold true at the time of speaking but then change according to events that unfold further on in time. Sometimes past events come back and impact upon the factual aspects of an utterance. I could say that I am hungry then go and indulge in a late night snack. I could not then say I am hungry because at that point I wouldn’t be. – I must say that I was hungry. The factual nature of the original statement has been altered by my actions.
Furthermore, after eating so late I would likely not be hungry the next morning as I ought to be. At some point in the day I may be hungry again, at which point, I am hungry would again be true. Therefore, the truth of a statement is dependent upon a concept that may or may not exist according to current understandings.
Is it any wonder why people with autism have difficulty with social interaction when it is so dependent on concepts that are vague and poorly defined? The mind records the present and can become obsessed with the future or past events. In this sense, anxiety is the mind focusing on the unknown future, and depression is the mind stuck in past events that cannot be changed.
Time haunts us all. One day it will run out for all of us. What we do with our lives between then and now is where the greatest mystery lies – am I predetermined to walk into my kitchen and grab a snack or do I have the free will to resist?
I suppose only time will tell.